finding passion

I have been searching for my life's passion for a very long time. I have tried many things in my short life and I am still lost. I have made strides recently though, stepping out of my comfort zone of desk jobs and steady pay, into the messy and fast paced world of food service. Like I said a few months ago, I quit my desk job when I relocated because I was so sick of that lifestyle that I needed a significant change. I was voluntarily unemployed for 2 months so I could take a well deserved break and then for the past month I have been working at a new movie theater/restaurant in my area, as first a bartender, and now I work in the kitchen at Expo. Since my gluten allergy discovery nearly a year ago I realized how much I like cooking and I have always wanted to own a restaurant. I am also considering going back to school to be a chef. So I thought working in a restaurant would be a perfect way to get the foundation of that dream started.

Now, I do like this job much better than my previous desk jobs. Moving and standing is so much better for me than sitting and gooing at a desk all day. But working nights is very hard on the body, I am tired more often because I exert more energy at work. It's also hard on relationships, my love works during the day so we almost never see each other anymore and our days off never line up. Lastly, the pay is meager in comparison to say the least. So here I sit mid-day, blogging and thinking. Waiting for work to start at 5pm. Still pondering where to go from here and what I should do with my life. What does it say about me that I am already considering going back to a business administration desk job? My lifestyle would again be more comfortable, I might be able to buy a house sooner if I had a job like that (another dream of mine) and I could again eat dinners with my love. Oh dear.